do we really need to monkey around with this title business?

Oh.

Hey.

So, damn. I meant to post something in February just to, know, have something for that month. But stupid February with its not-enough-days.

It's time for the annual "Fred's at LPSC and I'm all alone" whinefest. This year's entry is brought to you by Xanax -- if I had some, I'd be doing a lot better.

Remember last year? When my kid stopped breathing and I called for an ambulance and she was fine but then in the middle of the night I thought I was dying? Remember? Boy, DO I! This week is the first week that Fred's been out of town since then. Ok, there was that little trip to France, but he left like 5 days after I was in the hospital so I think I was technically still in shock and it doesn't count.

ANYWAY.

After months of therapy and deep breathing exercises and medication and herbal tea, I had those pesky panic attacks under control. Anxiety be gone! And then Fred packed his suitcase (really, all by himself. Cute, right?) and we took him to the airport and went grocery shopping and I chopped up something like two dozen carrots for the week's lunches and we met Shannon and Nathan for playtime and dinner. Awesome! And that night I climbed into bed, and promptly had a panic attack. After a long time, I fell asleep. Emma woke me up calling to fix her covers. I stumbled into her room, pulled up the sheets, and stumbled back to bed when, yes, panic attack # 2 struck. And let's repeat that whole thing one more time for a grand total of THREE PANIC ATTACKS. The last one was the worst, and I had to really talk myself down off the ceiling. I turned on the light to read my book. I went and checked my email (kind of hoping to see someone in Gmail chat even though it was two in the morning). And about two hours before I had to get up, I fell back asleep.

On Monday, I resolved to have a different experience because, really, that sucked. And it was making me hate my bed, and you guys? I just got new bedding and it's super cute and I love it and I don't want to hate my bed right now. So I drank my hippie tea and I made sure to do some work that had been stressing me out and I took a hot bubble bath and ate a granola bar and then, ready for this MINDBLOWING solution? I didn't read my book. My book about kidnapping. Instead, I put a podcast on my phone and fell asleep to hipster humor.

Last night? An even better idea. Instead of Ira Glass (who, don't get me wrong, I adore), I loaded up a Neil Gaiman audiobook, narrated by Neil himself.

Yes. Yes it would.

photo courtesy of http://twitpic.com/photos/bstiteler